


will you still love me

by teamfreeawesome



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, I HAVE WRITTEN MEAN!ZAYN AGAIN THIS HAS GOT TO STOP, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Sad Liam, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 18:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamfreeawesome/pseuds/teamfreeawesome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn doesn't love Liam <em>enough</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	will you still love me

**Author's Note:**

> First of all (possible spoiler included)
> 
> I would like to say that I think Perrie is _awesome_ , okay. This is absolutely _not_ meant to be a fic that hates on her _or_ Zerrie. I just really, really liked the idea of writing more sad Ziam and this idea popped into my head. And, to be honest, it's not explicitly mentioned that it's Perrie Zayn's engaged to (and when I was writing it, I just imagined a random, vague stranger), so feel free to make up a girl or guy for Zayn to be engaged to instead :)
> 
> SECONDLY. I AM SUPER, SUPER JETLAGGED and this appeared instead of the fairytale thing I wanted to write. So, if there are any mistakes or if this is total crap (which it may well be) then I apologise _a lot_
> 
> Title taken from Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey
> 
> Disclaimer: This is not true. It's a work of fiction and no harm was meant by the writing of this. To me: fanfiction One Direction are fictional characters. I don’t, in any way, equate the stories to their real-life counter parts, because they aren’t the same people. Also, please, nobody send this to anyone included in this fic or anyone that they know.
> 
> Comments and kudos are like _cake_ <3

Zayn touches Liam like –

It’s a drunken, ecstatic brush of skin on skin as Liam’s heart beats hard against his ribs. It’s a giddy rush of love that trails the shape of Zayn’s endearments - a brand across Liam’s lips, burnt into his flesh with the light of a kiss.

Zayn touches Liam like he’s _fragile_ and _precious_ – hands shaking as his thumb brushes softly across Liam’s cheek. 

 

*

 

Zayn touches Liam like –

Like he can taste the rain as it falls, the droplets clinging to Liam’s lashes as he gazes up at the roiling sky.

Like –

Like the very feel of Liam beneath his palm is a shot of whisky to his veins – hot and enticing. 

 

*

 

Sometimes, Zayn kisses Liam like a _burn_.

Liam’s skin _sings_ with it, his chest heaving and knees buckling as flames lick across his lips. It’s immediate and intense – and Liam wants to love the blaze of Zayn for eternity.  

 

*

 

It’s not enough, though.

Zayn doesn’t love Liam _enough_.

 

*

 

Zayn’s allowed to love Liam in the dark. He loves Liam in the shadowy, hidden section of his heart; loves Liam where no one can _see_.

And when he breaks out into the sunshine, light brushing across the planes of his face, he emerges adorned with a love that’s not Liam’s.

 

*

 

Zayn bites his kisses into Liam’s neck, soft whispers of tongue stroking across Liam’s skin. Zayn thrusts deep as he hovers above Liam – and a whine builds in his throat as Zayn pulls back, his hands sliding across Zayn’s back as he pants.

“Zayn. _Zayn_. I – _uh, uh_ – love you, _love_ you,” he moans, voice breaking as Zayn teeth catch on his bared skin.

Sucking a bruising bite into the curve of Liam’s neck, Zayn’s hips snap tightly as he fucks into Liam. Liam keens, mouth working around a wail and fingers clenching, his nails raking down Zayn’s back as he comes. He slumps, face slack with bliss as Zayn continues to pound into him, sloppy kisses pressed against Liam’s open mouth.

“Love you too, Li – _uh, uh_ , god, gonna tell the _world_ , yeah. Tell them how much you like it when I fuck you. Show them you’re _– fuck_ – mine. Show them – _fuck – Liam._ ”

And Liam nods as Zayn comes, holding him gently as he slumps forwards.

“Yours. I’m all yours, Zayn.” He promises into Zayn’s shoulder, eyes crinkling happily.

“Good,” Zayn mutters into Liam’s chest, before sitting up and wiping at the mess spread across his stomach with the corner of a sheet. “Good.”

He stands up, the long stretch of him making Liam’s heart thump hard against his ribcage. He’s _beautiful_. Liam adores him.

Pulling on his jeans and shirt, Zayn flicks a look over his shoulder before heading for the bedroom door.

“That was fun, love. See you in a bit, yeah.”

He leaves, pulling the door shut behind him, already searching his jean pockets for his car keys. Liam slumps back on the bed, his goodbye dying on his lips. He hates it when Zayn leaves like that. He gets it though – knows they’re _hiding_ their love at the moment, even from the boys. It still _stings_ , though, when Zayn can’t stay.

But it’s _okay_. Because when they _do_ tell people – when they tell the world - Liam will get to fall asleep next to Zayn and wake up next to Zayn and –

Liam can wait. He can wait for Zayn to sort everything out in his head. He’s _brave_ , is Zayn. And Liam loves him. He loves Zayn like there’s nothing _else_.

Liam can wait.

 

*

 

Liam learns that Zayn’s engaged at the same time as the rest of the world. He smoothes out the crumpled page in the newspaper with shaking hands, bottom lip wobbling. He’d thought –

See, Liam’s _stupid_ , right. Because –

He’d thought that all this _affection_ was a prelude to something. That they were building up to an announcement. To holding hands in public as the flashing cameras took note of their intertwined fingers. Thought they were hiding whilst they gathered their courage. Had told his _mum_ -

He’d told his mum about Zayn. She’d smiled shakily around her tears, giddy smile spread across her face. She’d been _happy_.

And –

Hiding their relationship –

It wasn’t about Liam. It was about _Zayn_. And Liam would wait for Zayn forever. He’d do anything for Zayn. Liam _loves_ him.

 

*

 

Liam thinks that maybe it’s more of the same. That maybe the engagement was dreamt up to stop speculations about him and Zayn - and that hurts, but it’s _okay_.

Because Liam can wait. He’s had practice. Liam would wait until the end of the earth for Zayn. He just needs time. Liam can give him that.

 

*

 

He’s at Louis’, lying in the midst of a cuddle pile, fingers clutched tightly around Zayn’s hand, when Zayn sits up, expression serious.

“Um. Lads, I – I have something - ” Zayn voice breaks and he pauses. “I have to tell you something.”

And Liam –

He’s such an _idiot_ , because for a minute (just for a _minute_ ) he believes that this is it. That Zayn wants to _tell_ them.

So he wriggles closer to Zayn as they all disperse, settling back against the couch as they wait for Zayn to continue. Liam tightens his grip on Zayn’s hand, cheeks flushed and expression elated. God, he _loves_ Zayn. He loves him so _much_.

Zayn turns to Liam slightly, smiling softly before gently removing his hand from Liam’s grasp. And that’s –

That’s _okay_. Zayn needs _space_ to tell them. Liam needs to remember that Zayn needs _space_. He forgets, sometimes, that not even Zayn wants to spend _all_ his time with Liam. (Liam knows he’s clingy). And he gets it. _Liam_ wouldn’t want to spend all his time with Liam, so it’s not exactly _surprising_ that Zayn doesn’t either.

It’s okay.

He smiles back at Zayn and nods encouragingly.

“Go on,” Louis says impatiently. “What’d you want to tell us, then? Cos I’m pretty sure we all already know.”

Harry giggles into his palm before flashing a grin and a thumbs up at Liam.

“I - ” Zayn starts, staring down at his hands as they twist uncomfortably in his lap.

Liam reaches out gently, stroking his hand across Zayn’s shoulder comfortingly.

“It’s okay, Zayn. You don’t have to tell anybody anything you don’t want to.” He says, voice soft.

Zayn’s eyes flick up and catch on Liam’s own. He smiles sadly – and the twist of guilt across his expression feels like a punch to Liam’s gut. Because –

Liam should have _known_.

“I’m – I’m engaged. Like. For real.” Zayn says, lips trembling.

And Liam –

Liam can’t _breathe_. Because, he’d allowed himself to _believe_ for so long. He’d let himself believe that Zayn _loved_ him. And he loves Zayn so _much_  - thinks Zayn is the most incredible person he’s ever met. Everything Zayn does – it leaves Liam _awed_ and _besotted_ and _adoring_. And – Liam’s so _stupid_. Because how could he think for even a _second_ that someone as _brilliant_ as Zayn could find anything worth loving in Liam.

“But -” Louis starts, expression bemused. “I thought – you and Liam - ”

Liam swallows around the lump in his throat.

“What?” Zayn asks, sneer pulling at the corner of his lips. “Where’d you get that, Lou? _Seriously_? We’re just friends. Best friends, right, Liam?”

And Liam feels like Zayn has ripped out his insides with his teeth, blood staining the carpet beneath them as Liam crumples beneath the weight of everything he’s lost.

“Right,” Liam agrees, voice trembling. “Best friends.”

 

*

 

“You’re gonna be my best man, right, Liam? Wouldn’t be able to do this without you.” Zayn says as he tucks the wedding invitation into Liam’s palm.

Liam swallows and tries to smile.

“Right,” he agrees.

 

*

 

(Liam clutches the offered friendship in trembling hands - and tries not to cry).

**Author's Note:**

> I just. I seem to like to write terribly sad Liam. 
> 
> I think I have a problem. 
> 
> I'm so sorry.


End file.
